It might sound a little cliche, but it's something I think we all do sometimes even if we don't realize it. You get into a rut... and at the same time you get sort of comfortable within that rut. It doesn't matter what it is. It can be a mundane schedule of daily events. It can be something that's not even truly a negative thing. Just the same it's still there. The question is when you're there how do you go about changing it?
Well... I've done it many times in the past... and I've been well below the surviving level of living many times as well. Is it necessarily "bad" to be in what I call survival mode? Not always. There are times that it will pull you through, and it's much better than the alternative. However, the longer you stay there the closer you get to being utterly depressed. Therein lies the trouble. I'm in one of those "ruts" right now... and have been for awhile. I also haven't really felt like doing anything to change it mainly because I'm completely exhausted. BUT... am I exhausted and tired BECAUSE of the rut??? That's the real question here. Lack of sleep... sure... I've had plenty of it. I don't even sleep exceeding long on the mornings when I have my day off on Saturdays. I prefer to get a good tasty breakfast on those mornings, so I have to get there prior to the dining facility closing at 8:30. That, I believe falls under the "thriving" category. If I were sleeping till noon and wasting my days off then I'm probably not even surviving at that point.
So how did I thrive this week on my day off... and how did I simply survive? I have examples of each, and it starts with Friday night. I left work on Friday evening a little later than usual. I skipped dinner, too. I wasn't hungry... not in the least. Skipping the evening meal is definitely not thriving. I considered doing my laundry on Friday night instead of having to do it on my day off... I eventually chose not to and put it off till the morning. Again... simply surviving. I stayed up late on Friday night and finished reading my book, "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo." This particular item is in the thriving category.
Then we come to Saturday morning... I got up and did my usual routine... weighed myself at the gym (gained just under a pound this week... definitely not thriving there!) then went to breakfast. I totally enjoyed my breakfast meal and felt better afterward... moodwise that is. I proceeded to do my laundry... all of it... bedding and everything. However, I don't consider it thriving, since it's the same thing I do every Saturday knowing I could have gotten it out of the way Friday evening instead, which would have freed up those 2 hours for something more enjoyable. While sitting in the laundry room with my laptop I wrote a blog. Thrive category. The previous hour there, though, I was feeling pretty down and just kinda BLAH... survive category. After I got all the laundry out of the way, I decided to go sit outside the coffee shop and play some online poker... something I've only done 3 times since my arrival in Iraq. Thrive category once more. I went and got my pizza later than usual after a trip to the doctor for the infection on my head. Following my dinner... I added some extra distance to my walk back to make it an even 30 minute walk... Thrive! The remainder of the day/evening was spent not doing much until it was Skype time with Anne Marie and then the rest spent getting ready for bed.
What's the point of all this you might ask? For me... it's important to recognize these little things because it's very easy to just slide into the survival rut. I'm there now... especially at work. My motivation to do things has decreased immensely. My moods are mostly down in the dumps, and I feel like busting out crying at any given moment. It's actually very hard to explain... even in a blog, where you can explain it rather easily. I shouldn't say it's hard to "explain"... that's the wrong word choice. It's hard to "talk about". That's more accurate in my case.
The problem is there is still 2 months to go here, and I can't afford to lose my edge now... after doing so well for the first 4 months. I know not being able to work out has a lot to do with it. It's mostly my issue... the docs have said doing some cardio is perfectly fine, but I can't get past the fact that I know if I sweat... even ever so slightly... the bandage on the back of my head will immediately fall off, and my open infection wound will be exposed. I just can't do it... so until I lose the bandages and the wound closes (which will be a couple more days at least) I am not going to be doing any gym workouts. A walk outside each day is certainly a viable option, though, and it will make up a good many of the calories I need to be burning in order to be successful in my weight loss.
As many people have said... this too shall pass... and I'm sure it will... but until it does... I'm definitely not going to be myself. I haven't been for 2 weeks now. Hopefully I will be able to change that very very soon because it's not a fun place to be. And yes... I'm still exhausted.
Peace, Love, and Poker
No comments:
Post a Comment