When you think of leadership you tend to think of those people with great minds... great charisma... very well defined sense of character. At least that's my big picture idea of what defines a leader. Then the better question would be to ask myself, "Do I possess these qualities?" Now that makes the definition quite applicable doesn't it? Am I a good leader? Am I even a leader at all? I know in my position I'm challenged to lead the very best I possibly can, and I've been accused by my last two previous supervisors and their supervisors and so on of not doing so. I have, of course, disagreed with them every step of the way, but perhaps they are right!
I know that it's difficult being thrown into a role (and a career field) that you did not choose to be in nor did you want any part of. This was my first step in what has become a 3 year plus downhill slide in my Air Force career that is now suddenly taking an upswing during my deployment to Iraq. The first thing was finding out initially that I was going to be forced to retrain. I thought, "Ok, this won't be so bad. I can make it through my last 5 years and retire then I never have to think about the military again." I would presume most good leaders probably don't have that attitude. I set out to make the best of it, but it was very difficult. I went to the NCO Academy in April of 2007 (A leadership based 6 week class), and I graduated with honors. Not bad for someone with a "bad attitude", huh? The thing about it is... I KNEW I would excel there. There are 2 very important aspects of the Academy that I am particularly good at... Socializing and Academics. The rest kind of just fell into place. I then went on to Technical school for my current job and also excelled there. Once again... academics... no sweat! It wasn't until AFTER yet a 3rd class in which I excelled that things started to come undone.
I was sent to Mountain Home, Idaho, which is basically in the middle of nowhere in the desert but only 54 miles from Boise, a beautiful bustling city with much to do and see. I immediately took a liking to Boise and chose to make the hour commute to work daily in lieu of living in Mountain Home. I have to say I haven't regretted that decision yet in 3 years. There's so much more in Boise. I think it's important to include the fact that I actually LIKE where I live. It shows that I'm able to separate work and home life... at least most of the time. I haven't always been able to do that, however, until more recently. So why, if I liked where I lived, would I have a bad attitude toward my assignment there? You could say I was bitter. I felt victimized by the system. I felt like there was some ungodly spirit hanging over me, a dark cloud of sorts, just waiting to inflict it's next blow on it's victim. That's a pretty rough way to live now isn't it???
I went through some really down and depressed times. There always seemed to be something else work would throw at me to try and "get me". The bottom line is... how can a person lead others at a time when they can't even lead themselves? So... I went and I got some help. I was already down in fitness... REALLY DOWN. That was strike one! I was down in training for my next positional upgrade. Strike two! I knew a third strike would most likely end my career, and I really couldn't afford to let that happen. My performance reports have suffered ever since I got to Idaho, though, and it is those that I am in disagreement with. I know that I absolutely have my part in them, but I am not nearly as terrible as the reports make me out to be... the "ratings" do not match me. I care about my people... I take care of my people, too.
When my senior and my supervisor (most recent ones... and 2 people I respect very much) said that my inability to demonstrate the qualities of a leader is "holding my subordinates back" that really struck a chord. I do everything I possibly can and advocate for my people on a regular basis. That is one thing that, as a leader, I get right. I take good care of those who work for me. My "manager" skills may not quite be on that level. I am also a rather inexperienced person who was put into the position of someone who has worked the job for years... keeping in mind I'm in a job that utilizes very few of the skills I possess and/or desire to use. I'm a numbers guy... an accountant. That's what I'm good at. If you take that person and randomly place them into a job where they have to "get dirty" at times... they might not do quite so well. I did, however take some things into my own hands.
I started going to school... my GPA is 4.0. I got my associate's degree from Community College of the Air Force this past August. I have lost in excess of 35 pounds and gotten to a level of fitness that I can actually say feels good, and I have more work left to do yet! I even got to deploy with everyone this time around, and I am thoroughly enjoying my time here. You still get those lonely moments... not to mention you get tired, too. But it's all part of the experience. I am doing a great job out on position here, and I feel like I get better and better each day. So if I'm lacking in any department here I have not been told so much as one word. Hopefully, I will continue to get noticed for the good things I do... because I never did back at home station. And I do mean NEVER. I think we have good leadership here... and I also feel that I am a big part of that myself. I try my best to balance my own personal wants and needs with the mission and what others want/need as well. Sure, I take my time to go and work out pretty much every day when I'm not sitting on scope. Why not??? I think it's a proactive thing to do rather than sit here and blog or surf the internet or email or whatever else. There are others who choose to do it on their own time, but I know that I would work out FAR less if I had to do it after a 12+ hour day (or prior). My time to Skype with my wife is very precious, and it keeps me sane. I'm not willing to give that up. There are just some things that you have to be selfish with... otherwise your family life and then ultimately your personal life will suffer. If you aren't thinking straight how are you supposed to concentrate on a radar scope with lives in your hands? Ponder that question as I close...
I feel that I am at the very WORST an adequate leader and supervisor, and I do right by my folks. I show no favoritism and think objectively using only what I know first hand or what my peers give me on that same level. It doesn't excuse the ones who don't perform up to par, though, and they are corrected accordingly as well. I could probably write all night on this subject, but at some point I've got to get out of here and enjoy the beginning of my time off. :) I was going to play poker tonight, but I don't think I will. I would rather chill in my room and watch a movie and relax. It sounds more enjoyable to me right now. I have no responsibilities until Sunday morning when I come back to work bright and early. :) I'm sure I will write more about leadership in the near future simply because it is something on my mind, and I want to figure out if "they" were wrong or if I am the one who was wrong. And if I'm wrong... what can I do to fix it... both in perception and reality. This military is one strongly based on perception. Changing that is tough. Hell, there are still people who will tell you to just starve yourself to lose weight if you have to. Now how healthy is that????
Peace, Love, and Poker
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